Stop, in the Name of Squash!

THE FOLLOWING IS A SUMMARIZED STATEMENT TO THE PRESS,  ISSUED BY MICHAEL WEISHAN THIS AFTERNOON REGARDING HIS INVOLVEMENT IN THE STANDOFF CURRENTLY BREWING OUTSIDE BOSTON:

FIRST QUESTION: Okay, I admit it: I got lazy last week and carelessly left the rototiller parked next to the new vegetable garden. It was only there for a few days.

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A tense situation develops in the Weishan garden outside of Boston: controls of the tiller have been seized by an unknown vine; so far, no ransom demands have been issued. Photo courtesy of The Associated Press.

How was I, unsuspecting gardener that I am, to know that my sophisticated tiller, supposedly equipped with all the latest security devices, could be so easily high-jacked by some two-bit, rogue squash vine? And a volunteer tendril at that, sprouted from the left-over dregs of some rotted-out, forgotten old cucurbit from last season?

Hardly!

SECOND QUESTION: It’s true: Federal negotiators have already arrived at the scene. A tense standoff continues. The tiller sits just off the tarmac, silent, immobile, awaiting rescue; the vine: gloating, rampant, defies all comers. It’s hard to imagine a happy outcome.

THIRD AND FINAL QUESTION: No, as I’ve already told my attorney, I can in no way be held liable for this blatant act of homegrown terrorism. I couldn’t know.

(SHOUTED TO THE PRESS AS WEISHAN WAS HUSSLED AWAY BY ASSOCIATES)  Yes, yes, I PROMISE: next time I will most certainly put away the bloody rototiller!

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Comments

Stop, in the Name of Squash! — 4 Comments

  1. Wait, I thought you live in an 1852 New England farmhouse. What’s the rototiller doing there? No wonder the plants are rebelling.

  2. Pingback: Invaders - Old House, Old Garden

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